Stay Away From the Cubicle!

Let's face it. I'm no expert on prisons. My only visit to a prison was to find out if the eGranary Digital Library was working for the inmates. Cubicle jobs, however, those I know plenty about.

I used to think I could be content to work in a cubicle. Cut off from others. Just me and a computer. How naive of a graduate student. You'd think that after my first year of working in my cubicle (open to three other cubicles) I'd have learned to adjust my mindset to survive and possibly thrive. Almost two years in and I still haven't been able to do it. Why? Because I refuse to be institutionalized.

Over the years I have, perhaps, read too many dystopian future books or watched too many mind control movies to ever be comfortable working a cubicle job. I see the building from afar and instantly my fight or flight reflex kicks in. My job is killing me with stress, paranoia, and a lack of exercise. It is also killing my brain with an overgrowth of the mundane and a shortage of mental workouts. My IQ used to be in the 150's. It's down at least 10 points.

But, of course, it's all my fault. No excuse I provide will ever be good enough for those jackasses who believe that everyone is able to do everything for themselves and those who don't are pansies. Fuck you. After a day at work, trying to survive amongst other people and the threat of unemployment I'd prefer to go back to my cell (apartment) and give my traumatized mind and body a chance to rest up so I can survive tomorrow. There is no more energy to be given to further studies to keep my brain active. The closest I have to that are the books I get from the library. I used to watch the Discovery Channel and whatnot, but can no longer afford cable TV.

I've seen it happen to many times. A person starts out a cubicle job thinking "it'll just be for a year or so until I find another job that is more suited to what I want out of a career." Fat chance sucker. The economy is so deep in the toilet that the only other jobs available are for plumbing. Let's face it, no matter how bad the economy gets, plumbers will always be needed. And now you're wishing you would have taken up a blue collar specialty because, hey, there's a lot of shit, but at least you get to see sunshine every now and then.

So, what do you do? Well, if you've got a cubicle job, chances are VERY good that you've already completed your Bachelor's Degree. Let's hope it was a good one because it's the only one you'll ever get. Why? Because you're already so many thousands of dollars in debt no bank would ever give you another loan to go back and get another degree. And even if they did, you'll never be able to pay off the debt accrued by getting two degrees. I know, I have a BA and and MA. Shoot me now.

As a result of not being able to go anywhere else because you can't afford any more college and your skills are now passe for everything except your cubicle job, you have two choices: go bat-shit crazy and have an incredibly early mid-life crisis or adopt the company persona. I've seen them; the personas. They scare me. They believe they are part of the company, an important part, despite the fact they could be replaced by the next day. The company accomplishes something they were advised not to do but did so anyways because it "looks progressive" and the personas cheer. They believe in the company. They do not see what they have lost to the company: individuality, personality, respect, a fair wage. They see only the company's "progress".

I work for one of the main educational database companies. Which one, I will not say. But there has been no major shift in popularity, income, titles, etc. to favor one company or another. They claim they are in competition with each other, but in truth they are more akin to monopolies. They only complain about the other databases for appearances. In truth, all the corporate databases have universities and libraries wrapped around their fingers. If there is truly a competition, why must the companies charge prices that are easily 50% of the library's budget? I was trained to be a librarian. Now I work for the enemy and I cannot face myself in the mirror.

It is difficult, but I have not surrendered my identity. It has nearly crushed my soul, but the company will not take me. I will find a better job...or win the lottery. Because right now, both have the same chance of happening.

"If you are not a thinking man, to what purpose are you a man at all?" - Samuel Taylor Coleridge